It takes guts to be vulnerable. If you’ve ever read Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly, or seen her TED talk, you’ll know that.
But you’ll also know it if you’ve felt that lurch in your gut as you stood there in the headlights of life like a rabbit with nowhere to go, all your flaws illuminated. Everyone staring at the naked, not so nice failure that is you.
Or that’s how it feels. The truth is, no-one is staring. They’re probably not even noticing. While you feel exposed, they are far too busy worrying about themselves.
Which means you can take that vulnerability you feel and use it to connect to theirs. Because the truth is that everyone feels vulnerable. We all suffer from ‘they’ll find me out’ syndrome. Some people successfully hide it and that’s their mistake. Because the most successful people of all know that opening up and showing yourself to the world, warts and all, builds connection. And in these crazy, fragmented times connection is everything.
It’s how you build friendships, make contacts and, yes, gather a tribe around you. It’s also how you’ll get people to buy into you and therefore buy into whatever it is you are offering. And it all boils down to perfection vs connection.
Perfection is unattainable. Remote. Glittering but icy cold.
Connection, on the other hand, is warm. Enticing. Attainable.
We all crave connection thanks to our inherent clannish natures. It’s ancient, biological. We need to belong to survive.
And how do you show that vulnerability and build those connections? By being you. By telling your story as clearly and humanly as you can. We all love to hear how someone has overcome adversity because it gives us hope. In the same way, our hearts open to someone who is struggling provided they show they are trying their best.
I found all this out over the past two and a half years as I fought to brink my daughter back from the brink of death. The kindness, humanity and support of my fellow human beings is what kept me going. As I shared my story with them on social media, they responded with encouragement and constant tiny acts of love. I wasn’t sharing to seek sympathy or, indeed, anything. I was sharing because it was the only way I knew to keep my ahead above water when I felt like I was being pulled down into a place so dark I would never see daylight again.
I also shared the poems, photographs and little stories that inspired me and, I hoped, would inspire others. Again, the response was overwhelming. And that’s the secret to this. As you do with love, share with no expectation of receiving. Give because that’s all you can do and hope someone, somewhere will benefit from what you have to say.
They will, believe me, because you will have connected through your vulnerability. There is such power in truth and the willingness to be open. Such resonance in courage. And the connections you build through daring to be vulnerable will be the strongest you have ever known. Tear off that mask and be yourself. You will be rewarded in ways you can never imagine. Including finding the people and opportunities that are absolutely right for the real you.
